Things Better Left Forgotten Chapter 5

Character(s) or Pairing(s): Germany/N.Italy
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Language, sexual content.
Summary: Italy has a breakdown after Germany does something that reminds him of HRE. Germany doesn't know what to do with him, or these weird dreams he's starting to have...

FAIR WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT. DON'T LIKE IT? DON'T READ IT. /FAIR WARNING


Ludwig wasn’t exactly sure was going on. He was in Roderich’s house, but the whole place seemed so much bigger. Or he was just a lot smaller. He couldn’t remember a time where he had been small enough for everything to look this big though. He heaved a sigh, and then grinned as he realized he had one of Austria’s wonderful pastries in hand, deciding he might as well enjoy himself as he started to wander around. He was quickly distracted as well, it seemed.

Everything was so similar, yet everything was terribly different. There was different furniture than he remembered, even a different piano in the parlor. He was peaking around the corner and smirked as he saw Gilbert sitting on one of the couches, reading a book. And then he frowned. Gilbert shouldn’t be here. He hadn’t been anywhere for quite a long time. He moved to walkup to Gilbert, just staring at him with a frown until the older man finally noticed him and set down his book. The albino smiled reaching out ruffle his hair and making him frown further.

“What’s with the look little brother?”

“Don’t touch my hair.” Ludwig frowned, smoothing back the strands that had been knocked out of place. His brother may have enjoyed letting his hair fly every which way, but Ludwig would have none of it.

“So severe. You need to lighten up. You’ll have time to be serious when you’re older.” Gilbert sighed as Ludwig kept his frown. “Why don’t you go find Roderich? Or go to the kitchen? Supposedly the new help is quite the cook.”

Ludwig just frowned further, but he could tell when he was being told to get out of Gilbert’s hair. He nodded, turning on his heel and marched back out of the sitting room, bound for the kitchen. He was a bit hungry after a long day…maybe this new ‘help’ could fix him something that wasn’t just sweets. He wasn’t really paying any sort of attention as he made his way through the familiar halls steeping into the kitchen and nearly running into someone. He stared at the now panicking little girl in front of him and felt himself blush. Well…blush would be an understatement. He felt like his whole body turned red.

“Ve, ve…are you alright?” The girl gave him a concerned look, her amber eyes captivating him more than they should…Ludwig felt himself go even redder before turning around and fleeing from the kitchen as fast as he could, only half hearing the call of “Romano!” following him out the door.

~*~*~*~*

Ludwig woke with a start, taking in a deep breath as he tried to calm his racing heart down. Feliciano made a displeased noise against him, shifting a bit closer with a little frown on his face. Ludwig forced himself to focus on the Italian, taking deep breaths to help calm him down as he started to run a hand gently through Felix’s hair.

Romano.

Even in his dreams the name was starting to haunt him. He didn’t know who the hell the kid was, but he was starting to mess with his life a little more than he liked. In fact he was rather starting to resent the little bastard. He knew he was supposed to have respect for the dead…but at that moment he could care less. The little fucker had broken his lover’s heart and left him that much worse for the wear, and then had unintentionally drug him into the mess just by looking like him.

Ludwig probably would have kept stewing in the early morning light had Feliciano not made another noise, kissing his neck gently as he started to wake up.

“Morning.”

Ludwig just made a noncommittal noise, trying to calm himself down from his rather aggravated musings just a few moments earlier.
“You look awfully grumpy.” Feliciano frowned, kissing the side of Ludwig’s neck again. “Care to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Just thinking.”

“About what?” Feliciano prompted snuggling a bit closer.

“About you…about yesterday.” Ludwig sighed.

“…Don’t think about that.” Feliciano frowned, kissing just under Ludwig’s jaw. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does.” Ludwig snapped, sighing as Feliciano flinched in his arms. “You were upset enough to have a breakdown Felix. I can’t ignore something like that.”

Feliciano was quiet for a few moments before pulling away enough to look Ludwig in the eye. “Do you not miss your brother sometimes?”

Ludwig scowled near immediately at that. “I do not miss him as I would a lover. As you miss your little lover. Your Romano.”

Feliciano’s gaze went blank for a moment before one of those sad smiles Ludwig had come to despise came back over his face. “We were not ever given that chance.” Ludwig didn’t say anything, just frowning further as Feliciano seemed to sink a bit further into himself. “We were nothing more than childhood sweethearts, if that.”

“You loved him.” Ludwig said lowly, not questioning, more stating fact than anything else.

“Maybe.” Feliciano shrugged, his smile growing a little. “But I do love you. And you’re still here.” He said softly, pressing forward to kiss another spot on Ludwig’s neck.

“Then he should not haunt you like he does.”

Feliciano gave an aggravated sigh, biting the spot he had been kissing before breaking away. “Stop mulling over it Ludwig. It will be fine.”

Ludwig was quiet for a moment, looking out the window at the light filtering through the trees. He sighed as Feliciano’s fingers started to play across his chest, eventually finding the chain of their matching iron crosses and tracing along it. He couldn’t help the comment that fell out of his mouth next, still slightly aggravated with the Italian in his arms.

“Austria told me that I look like him.”

Feliciano’s fingers froze at that, and his whole body stiffened in Ludwig’s hold. “You’re not…” the Italian sighed, then pushed away from Ludwig, sitting up as he did. “So what if you do? You are both descendants of Germania. Why shouldn’t you look alike?”

“I am not him.”

Feliciano gave a growl of frustration at that, dropping his head into his hands. “I know that!”

“Then why do you think of him when you look at me?” Ludwig asked lowly, sitting up as well.

“You are arguing in circles. And if that is all you are set to do this morning, I am going to go home.” Italy frowned, both pouting and glaring at Ludwig.

Ludwig just glared back, before sighing and standing up. “Do what you will.”

Feliciano just watched Ludwig move into the bathroom and close the door behind him, sighing once the door was shut. He had hoped that with a night of sleep between them and his slip up yesterday that everything would be all right. But it seemed that while Ludwig had been gone he had gone to see Roderich, and the Austrian man had said far more than he should have.

It was true. When he had first met Ludwig, he had hoped beyond hope that maybe his lost love had finally come home. Home to take him in his arms and tell him everything was going to be fine for them. But all it had taken was a few harsh words from the German man to dash that hope.

But the reminders hadn’t stopped and now he felt like he had royally screwed things up. He had to do something. Because Ludwig wasn’t the replacement he seemed to now think he was. He was just as important…no he was more important to him than Romano ever would be. It may hurt, it probably always would hurt…but he would have to force himself not to think about it.

Because he couldn’t handle it if Ludwig left him too.

Feliciano got up after a few minutes, sidling up to the bathroom door and smiling as he heard the shower running. Perfect. He opened the door quietly and slid in, dropping his unders in the pile of Ludwig’s clothing. He took a deep breath before opening the curtain and sliding in, in front Germany, keeping his back to the other as he closed the curtain again.

“…I thought you were going home?”

“I changed my mind.” Feliciano smiled, ignoring the strange look Ludwig wore as he turned around to face the other. He moved to reach around the larger man after a few moments, turning down the temperature of the water so that it wasn’t fogging everything up so much. “I thought maybe I could try to cheer you up before breakfast.”

“And how are you planning on that?”

“By making you realize how important you are to me.” Feliciano said seriously, leaning back up and running his hands through Ludwig’s hair. He got a good grip and pulled the other down to meet his lips, starting a bruising kiss that he refused to pull away from despite his lover’s surprised noise of protest.

He finally broke away only when he needed to breathe, looking up at Ludwig with a sultry grin. “Well…do I have to do this by myself?”
Ludwig, to Italy’s amusement, just stood there with a blush on his face as he stared at him. He spluttered for a moment before pulling Italy’s smiling lips to his again, his hands pulling Feliciano tight to him.

Feliciano didn’t complain as Ludwig tongue pressed into his mouth, instead eagerly pressing back against him and trying to see if he could get the other to move any faster. He whimpered slightly as Ludwig pulled him up on his tiptoes to grind gently against him, breaking away and letting his head tilt back. He smirked as Ludwig latched onto his neck immediately, biting, sucking, harshly pulling a mark up on his skin.

He let out a low moan as one of Ludwig’s hands shifted to tug on his strand of hair. He half hated it when Ludwig did it, but he loved it at the same time. It was an unfair advantage…but it felt so fucking good. Ludwig tugged harder and his body arched up with a sharp gasp, their hips grinding together hard…he melted, his knees wobbling as he whined lightly.

“Ludwig…Ludwig please.” He panted, his hands clenching in their hold in the German’s hair.

“What?” Ludwig asked, his voice husky as he nipped a spot on his shoulder.

“Ah…why don’t we,…ng! Why don’t we go a little further?”

“How far?”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

Ludwig bit his shoulder at that. Feliciano gave a yelp, and then smacked his lover’s shoulder, perhaps a bit harder than he had meant, but it got the point across. Ludwig was reaching back and grabbing a bottle off the shelf and popping it open. Feliciano smirked as the scent of Ludwig’s body wash came over him, all woodsy and fresh and irresistibly Ludwig. He bit his lip as a finger pressed in, ignoring the way Ludwig was being a bit rougher than he usually would be. He heard the bottle clatter to the side and couldn’t smother the small whine he let out as another fingers pressed in beside the first, scissoring inside until a third could be added. He felt Ludwig brush that little bundle of nerves and moaned, pushing back against his lover’s hand. But to no avail…Ludwig seemed to steadfastly avoid the spot after that.

He was still panting though, as the fingers finally left, barely holding himself up against Ludwig as he shook. He just whined as he was lifted and pushed back into the roughly grouted tile…he slightly regretted not thinking far enough ahead to remember how many welts the damned things had left the last time they had done anything like this. His thoughts were thrown out the window though as Ludwig pressed bluntly up against him, making him cry out quietly as his lover let gravity help him sink down over him. Ludwig paused once he was fully inside of Feliciano, making him squirm desperately, trying to get him to move.

And then he finally shifted, and Feliciano’s legs wrapped tight around his waist to help, his arms moving to wrap tightly around his shoulders as he immediately moved to meet Ludwig’s tentative thrusts. He cried out as the angle changed enough as Ludwig shifted him up higher, making him writhe with practically every movement the other made.

He gasped as Ludwig attached to a spot on his neck, pulling up a deep mark. He moaned when the thrusts became rough, impatient. He nearly screamed as a hand wrapped around him, pumping in time with his thrusts. He was close. So close it was killing him, his voice pitching up in desperation as his hands moved to claw at the tiles above him, trying to find a better anchor, and way to center himself…his eyes cracked back open and he looked down at his lover’s perfectly flushed face, his blue eye looking up at him so filled with love and passion…

Feliciano came, screaming the name that had been waiting on the tip of his tongue as he felt liquid heat splashing inside of him, and between them, though it was quickly washed away by the shower. He cringed as Ludwig pulled his mouth away and then dropped him almost immediately, not even stopping to bask in what little shred of afterglow there was. Feliciano just collapsed down onto the floor of the shower, shaking with exertion and shame as he let the water spraying over him hide the tears streaming down his face. Ludwig only stayed long enough to rinse off before moving out of the shower, snagging a towel and moving out of the room.

It took Feliciano a few minutes before he could shakily stand, still sniffling as he washed himself off. Once he felt he had scrubbed enough he turned off the water and stood there shivering for a few more before finally stepping out and drying off. He pulled his boxers back on and moved out into the bedroom, feeling worse as he did.

Ludwig had made the bed, and had even gone so far as to set out a fresh set of clothing from the stash Feliciano had hidden in the back of the closet. He frowned before forcing himself to get dressed. It wouldn’t do for him to go wandering around the house naked after all. Or back home. Because even if Ludwig was feeling generous, it would be more out of obligation than want of having him around.

He was still sniffling as he made his way to the door, trying not to break into tears a she caught sight of Ludwig sitting on the couch, morning cup of coffee and paper in hand, the wire thin frames of his glasses sliding down his nose. If it were any other day, he would have moved to sit in Ludwig’s lap and pushed the frames back up, kissing him delicately before stealing his cup and snuggling up next to him. But not today. Perhaps not ever again at this point. He sniffed again as he realized both that he had been staring at the other man, and that Ludwig had been flatly ignoring him.

He stood there for a moment more before starting towards the door, just shuffling by Ludwig and awkwardly clutching at the cross beneath his shirt. He was just about to open the thing when Ludwig’s rather cold voice stopped him in his tracks.
“So…how did it feel?”

Feliciano turned around just enough to look at Germany confusedly, feeling his heart drop as he was met with the other’s icy stare…a look he had never been truly subject to before. “How…how did what feel?” he asked shakily, already half wishing he had ignored the question.

“Fucking Romano. Was it everything you had hoped for?”

Feliciano felt as if he had just been kicked in the gut, the way that Germany had hissed those words at him, like each syllable was pure venom laced with the intent to kill.

“Ludwig…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He managed to stutter out, his heart only dropping further as the other’s attention diverted to the paper once more. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Perhaps you should go home.”

Feliciano only managed out a garbled sound at that. He had to force himself not to break down again, taking in a deep breath as he nodded and walked out the door, closing it gently behind him. He forced himself to walk calmly through the garden and out in onto the street, but once he was there he found himself running down the street, just wanting to curl up in a ball and not be found for a while.

He never did see the way Ludwig stared after him, with nothing but heartbreak written across his face.